


Better Than Imagination

by Vamillepudding



Category: Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Eddie Brock Needs A Hug, Fear of Heights, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Self-Esteem Issues, Sleep Deprivation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-28 22:24:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18765493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vamillepudding/pseuds/Vamillepudding
Summary: Three times Eddie worried about screwing up his relationship with Venom, and one time Venom eased his mind.





	Better Than Imagination

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spellboundreader316](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spellboundreader316/gifts).



I

It’s been three months since Venom came back and it’s been – good, actually. Really good. 

Eddie tells himself this every morning, when Venom is doing one of his meditation-resting period-“ **it’s not a _nap_ , Eddie**”-things that basically mean he’s sleeping for a few hours every day. Eddie uses this time to do some of the things Venom hates: He goes to the gym, sometimes, or interviews people, because interviewing people always goes better without Venom there to run a constant commentary in his head. And he also uses this time to take a moment, each day, to remind himself that this is good, and he’s completely happy. 

It’s a lie, but that’s the point of this exercise: To repeat it often enough, so that maybe, some day, he’ll fully believe it.  
Eddie knows he’s selfish. And being selfish is what ruined his relationship with Anne, so he can’t make the same mistake twice. He won’t. 

“You’re happy,” he tells himself this morning. His reflection in the mirror over the bathroom sink stares back at him, frowning, disbelieving. Eddie tries a smile; it falls flat. Possibly it’s because he feels stupid talking aloud like this with no one to answer him (and that in itself would be a deeply disturbing thought were it not for Venom, safely tucked away somewhere in his body right now), but his therapist told him to keep trying, because it’s supposed to ground him, to calm him down when the anxiety gets too much. 

That’s another thing he does these days with Venom asleep: Seeing Dr Garland. He started while Venom was still gone, during that terrifying couple weeks when he’d believed Venom to be dead, and getting off the sofa had seemed an impossible feat, and he hadn’t been eating and – well. Things had been bad, generally.

So he’d called Anne, and Anne had talked to Dan, and then Dan had called Eddie and Eddie had called Dr Garland.  
Venom came back, but at this point Eddie had already made a weekly appointment so he figured, why not? 

“You’re happy,” he repeats, loudly. He waits a few seconds, just to be sure that he’s not missing any sudden rushes of enthusiasm, before he decides to call it a day and leaves the bathroom. 

He’s already on his way to the door when his phone rings. Not a caller, he knows, but an alarm, set to ring every morning and evening as a reminder to take his meds. He doesn’t always need it, but on some days, he does. Today is one such day. 

He feels something inside his chest, like his heart is beating too fast and his ribcage is expanding. The sensation lasts less than a second, and just like that, Venom is back. 

Eddie swallows the pills and gulps them down with half a glass of water, and only when all is done and he’s leaving his apartment for the second time this morning does he acknowledge Venom. 

“Sleep well?”

 **It wasn’t sleep** , Venom growls, but adds, **Yes. What is the plan today, Eddie?**

Eddie gets on his motorcycle and tells him.

II

When Eddie was eight years old, his class went on a trip to New York. On the second day, they went to see the Empire State Building. Standing on top of it, overlooking the whole of Manhattan, Eddie hadn’t been in awe the way most of his classmates were. He hadn’t even been bored, like the rest of his classmates who’d just wanted to ride the subway again. 

What he had been, is panicked. He’d looked at the city splayed out before him like that, and his breath had quickened and his heart rate had sped up, and the next thing he remembered was lying down with a teacher hovering over him, calling his dad to come pick him up. 

Carl Brock had answered the phone on second ring, informed the teacher that he was expecting his son on Friday and not a day before, and hung up. 

That’s not the point of this story. Eddie doesn’t even think about that part anymore. These days, he tries to spend as little time as possible thinking about his father, or his childhood, or any of it. These days, he tries to concentrate on the present. 

What _is_ the point, however, is that that moment, right there on the Empire State Building, was the very first time Eddie realised how big the world was, and how small he was in comparison, and how there was just so much space that he had to ask himself why _he_ , of all people, should ever be allowed to inhibit any of it. 

It’s a question he hasn’t found the answer to yet. 

Today he’s interviewing a judge from the Superior Court of California, a guy who’s recently sentenced a serial rapist to only three months in prison, and the interview takes place on the roof of one of San Francisco’s skyscrapers. The network thought it would make for a nice aesthetic, and Eddie supposes they’re right.

Except that now, while they’re waiting for Richard Anderson to show up, there is no distraction from the view. No distraction at all from the staggering distance between this roof and the ground. Eddie takes one look over the edge and feels immediately nauseous, which in turn alerts Venom. 

**What’s wrong with you?**

“Nothing,” Eddie says, and gives a cheery wave to the camera woman. She frowns, but looks away, which basically means that Eddie can safely continue to look like a crazy person talking to himself. “Nothing is wrong,” he repeats, both more quiet and more forceful this time, trying to calm his nerves. 

**You’re lying. Tell me what it is, and I’ll fix it for us.**

“This isn’t really something you can fix,” Eddie says. Venom falls silent then, leaving Eddie to his thoughts. He does that sometimes when Eddie feels overwhelmed: Retreat somewhere so Eddie can have his panic attacks in peace. Eddie knows Venom thinks he’s being helpful, thinks he’s respecting Eddie’s privacy, but the simple truth is that Eddie wishes Venom wouldn’t leave like that. 

The more complicated truth is that Eddie basically wishes Venom would never leave, and that’s probably what’s going to doom this whole thing eventually, anyway. 

He waits for his breaths to even out, which is about the same time that Richard Anderson arrives. Eddie conducts his interview, and after it’s all over, he sneaks another glance over the edge of the roof. Venom, who’s been uncharacteristically silent for the past hour or so, immediately asks, **What are you doing?  
**

Eddie supposes the question is fair. He says, “Just practising.” What he doesn’t say is that he knows Venom loves heights, so Eddie is going to try a little harder to be a good host. After all Venom has done for him, it’s the least he can do.

III

What Venom doesn’t know, what no one in the whole world knows, what Eddie himself didn’t realise for ages himself, is the fact that Eddie is in love with Venom. 

It sounds so simple when you put it like that, but really it’s nothing of the sort. Eddie has been falling in and out of love with people his whole life, and it’s never gone right, and surely there must be a reason for this, some sort of failure on Eddie’s part, but whatever it is, there is no way it will work out this time.

In past relationships, Eddie constantly worried about being too needy, too attached, simply _too much_. And the thing was that he’d tried not to be. He knew these things about himself, so he’d try to keep his distance. 

He tried and tried, but in the end, when it really came down to it, out of a string of past partners, there was a clear pattern of people breaking up with him because he was, well. Too much. 

With Venom, it’s different for obvious reasons. There are only a couple of hours each day when Venom _isn’t_ a constant presence in his mind. And he knows, objectively, that this must be how it’s for all symbiotes and their hosts, that Venom probably doesn’t mind because he’d expect it, wouldn’t he?

But possessing this information in theory and actually believing in it are two different things entirely, and therefore there are days when Eddie will do something simple – taking out the trash, for instance, or going to the  store, or writing an email – and suddenly, with nothing that could have reasonably triggered this, he’ll be overcome by the deep, certain knowledge that any minute, literally any minute, Venom could get bored and leave.

Venom has made it clear that Eddie is too good a good host, too good a good match, to simply abandon, but Eddie has also understood the implications: That the moment a better host comes along, Venom would have no trouble switching vessels immediately. And who’s to say that if something comes up that isn’t to Venom’s liking, Venom wouldn’t just start actively searching for a new host? 

In the end of a day, Eddie is a rational guy. So he doesn’t tell Venom that he’s in love.

\+ I

It all comes to a close on a Thursday. It’s not a special Thursday by any means; in fact, it’s as average a Thursday as they come. What makes this one stand out is the fact that Eddie hasn’t slept in over 48 hours now. This makes him just a little delirious, perhaps, and Venom has offered repeatedly to fix this, but what Eddie knows and what Venom doesn’t understand is that Eddie _needs_ this.

The deadline is at midnight, and he’s nearly finished after working on it for days practically non-stop, and he needs just that little bit of crazy to get through this and make the article not just good, but really fucking spectacular. 

And then midnight hits and the article has been sent to his editor, and it’s over so Eddie can finally sleep now, except that he’s still got all this left-over adrenaline from the last-minute changes he made, and he’s so tired but at the same time he’s never been more awake, and he lies on his bed with his heart beating too fast to make sleep come any time soon, and maybe he shouldn’t have drunk that last cup of coffee, and his heart rate isn’t slowing down, and oh god, what if his editor hates what he wrote, he should have proof-read it one last time, if his editor hates it then Eddie will lose his job again, and he’ll be back to where he was three months ago, and this time Venom won’t stick around, this time Venom will-

 **Stop**. 

The words are so forceful in his head that there’s no room for anything else in this second, the world freezing just for a moment while Eddie’s mind is blank except for Venom, Venom, Venom. 

**What’s wrong?** Venom asks, the way he always asks. Eddie opens his mouth to tell him that it doesn’t matter, the way he usually does, only this time he finds he physically can’t speak. **Don’t do that. We are one. You shut me out, you hurt our bond, you hurt _you_**. A pause, during which Eddie is still forcefully held silent, and then Venom adds, slower, **You hurt _me_**. 

“I’m sorry,” Eddie manages to get out, and once he’s said it, it’s like he _can’t stop_. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to – fuck, I know I’m not what you expected when you got to earth, alright? I know that, and I’m sorry, I am, I don’t mean to make you put up with all of this, it’s just that it’s been so good, right? _You’ve_ been so good.

And I don’t deserve, I mean, I know I don’t – I’m not –“ Eddie is struck by the abrupt realisation that this might be the very last conversation he ever has with Venom. So he figures he might as well say everything.

“I love you,” he blurts out. “So if you want to look for a new host now, that’s cool, right? Just thought you should know. I’m sorry,” he adds, again, just because it feels appropriate and he can’t really say it enough. 

Silence. A silence so long that Eddie wonders, for one panicked-filled second, if maybe Venom has left already, if it’s possible that Venom can just leave forever without Eddie even noticing it. 

Then Venom says, with an uncharacteristic note of hesitation in his voice, **I’m not human, Eddie. I don’t know what the protocol is here.  
**

“I know, you don’t have to-“

 **No. Your feelings mean that our bond is stronger than even I anticipated. Perfect symbiosis.**

“Right,” Eddie says, processing this. “So – this is, what, useful to you? Right. Good.” 

**No** , Venom snaps again, sounding frustrated. **You’re not listening. Our match is perfect. _You_ are perfect. You worry about not being a good host? You shouldn’t. You don’t have to force yourself to do things you dislike, just to please me. You please me by being you. That’s how this works.**

“Right,” Eddie repeats. He’s tired all of a sudden, his lack of sleep finally catching up with him. He should probably say something, hold up his end of the conversation that he knows is important, but Venom’s words have sent so much relief rushing through him that now, he just wants to sleep for three days. 

Venom says, **Sleep now**. Eddie thinks he hears something else, too, but he can’t be sure, so he doesn’t dwell on it.

He sleeps.

The next morning, he’s half-worried he imagined the whole thing. But then Venom says, **Good morning, love** , and Eddie thinks that no imagination can be as good as this.


End file.
